random babble and raining of thoughts.

Hey wait
Let yourself hesitate and I will take the time
'Cause it's just like you to try running
The first time that you stand
Why don't you slow down, child
Let me take your hand and I will walk with you a while
You can talk to me
Never mind how long it has been
No no no no no

I see the stories in your eyes
The untold history is no disguise
'Cause it's through the surface that I see
And I've watched the anger blow you pull you drag you to your knees
Why don't you let me ease your mind
And you can rest in me a while
You can talk to me
Don't you see how much you matter to me
But you'll figure it out
You'll figure it out
All it takes is time to find what you're about
You'll figure it out

And every day's another trial
Every road is adding miles to you
And I'm praying for you to see you're free
Can't you see you're free to be free
Free to be free from everything
And you can rest, rest with me a while
You can talk, talk to me
Never mind how long it has been
'Cause you'll figure it out
You'll figure it out
'Cause all it takes is time to find what love's about
You'll figure it out
'Cause you'll figure it out
All it takes is time to find what you're about
You'll figure it out
Jill Paquette - You'll figure it out.

I like this. Another one of her songs which is cool is called Sometimes yes, Sometimes no.

This past fortnight i think God's really been teaching...But then i guess days have just pretty much being waking, eating, revising, praying, sleeping....theres been lots of time for reflection, for slowing down. Some thoughts -
-I was really scared of exams, of not hitting the standard im 'supposed' to get, of letting my family down, of not getting the grades to take me to brum uni which is where they all want me to go. I guess the fear really pushed me right into God's hands because there was nowhere else to go.
-Some things have been revealed, brought out that i guess i was pushing under. My way of dealing with things has pretty much always been *sticks head in sand*. I think, over the years it served its purpose, i mean, it helped me cope - not properly, but it helped me 'deal' with a lot of things before i knew God - both my parents being ill, bullying...all that stuff from the past. But i know God now, so why am i still acting like the best way to deal with it is to pretend its not happening? The only way forward is on His road, and its hard. Ive never really dealt with things this head on before...things are always hard the first time i guess, but hey...practise makes better...and Gods being immense.
-I guess ive been finding it hard to draw from the bible, to get real feeding...but Hes opening that door in my brain again...yesterday, when i was starting to fear again, opened to Isaiah :
"Don't be afraid for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for i am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand." Isaiah 41:10
And psalm 91...if you get a chance, check it out, it rocks.
-Prayers have been answered, God's been really drawing our family together, i guess we're really blessed in the sense that most of the time we're close, but really been feeling the joy and strength of our family unit this past week. Maybe its because the only people ive really talked to recently is them, but just feeling closer to them than any time this year. Its making me more scared for my dad, though in some senses the fear is good.
-Ive been really struggling with not having a clue whats going on. Of not knowing whats gonna happen, or even where im gonna be in as little as 4 months time. Part of me wants to know and the other parts kinda don't. Tuuli said summat which struck a nerve though - "just gotta remember that where we are next year is where He wants us to be" or something like that. Dude...you're so right.
-in some senses i like this period of time. Theres so much order to the day, its so much easier to focus, and when i unfocus to refocus again. My house is becoming that place which i love to be again. I love my bed :P its just so comfortable. and it has the BEST covers... :P
- i like this weather, i like the heat. Wierd, because normally i prefer it when its cold.
-3 weeks till malaysia. first time back since i came to know Jesus. Hoping He's got some awesomeo things in store.
-Travelling seems more luring than ever. Guess ive never really thought id stay here my whole life...been thinking about it more recently though. Probably explore it more when im at uni. If i go. Australia always seemed the place i wanted to go, but now - well maybe that was just my desire and not His. Malaysia keeps coming up. Wierdly. I dont even know the language, maybe i should learn it. I feel a summer project coming on...!
-Thanking you Jesus. Mostly for your love. But then for all those hundreds of millions of things which You do during the day aswell.

Just wanted to get some of this stuff down somewhere.
no real order to it...just came out as my thoughts did.