building.

Tired.
REVISION OVERLOAD!

whats happening -
Bad stuff happened, didn't know what to do. Started hiding. Started neglecting Jesus. Crud stuff started to occur. Started to do crud stuff.
Was scared of what was happening but too exhausted/fed up to really get into it. Didn't really know what to do. Just hid behind revision. And that stupid lame smile.
Wanted to find Jesus, but just felt like i was hitting a wall..hard.
Got more tired, more kranky.
Then this morning Jesus just went..."im here"
Then had a long conversation with Him.
And this - "For the word of God is full of living power. It is sharper than the sharpest knife, cutting deep into our innermost thoughts and desires. It exposes us for what we really are. Nothing in all creation can hide from him. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes. This is the God to whom we must explain all that we have done." Hebrews 4: 12-13
Things are better. Still lots to do, and yet nothing at all.

Life is as it should be.
:)

In all of eternity though, the things that happened don't REALLY matter. It'll fade away...be forgotten...be blurred into the past. Like that painting.

Today thing that hit me is that Jesus is gonna be my life partner. For life.
He ain't just hanging around till i get on my feet a bit. He wants to be the one who helps me up, teaches me to walk and walks with me till i can't walk anymore - so that He can be there to carry me. I'll get old with Jesus (or not), breathe with Jesus and experience the highs and lows like most relationships (because i is human and He is perfect and i mess up). He's there till my last breath on earth and then for ALL of eternity afterwards. He'll be there through every hard time and He KNOWS. Man does He know. Everything i am is lying before Him regardless...everything i am is exposed at all times to Him. He KNOWS.

So vast, He is so, so vast. He could show me something new about Him every second for the rest of my life and i STILL wouldn't have seen a nanomolecule of how truly vast He is.

Dude. ive never felt this small. Its even worse than standing next to a tall person. But this is a good small. As opposed to a "why are my growth hormones spasticated?!?" small.